Corco Woman Dies After Eating Candy Bar
Adelle O'Dell was a friendly figure, often speaking to children, although she never had any of her own, owing to a pituitary disorder, which she wouldn't admit to, but everybody knew she had. Anyhows, she passed away on Tuesday after enjoying a chocolate chew at her home at 6262 Debris Basin Dr., according to Lance Erm, 16, an unidentified neighbor who saw her have a stroke and bleed out.
Ambleton Street Is Renamed To Honor Actress
Motorists and people driving will see a change beginning today, as Jefferson Avenue officially becomes Cara Lou Caralee Boulevard. "We need to look to the future, not the past!", ejaculated Duke "Duke" Henshaw, who proposed the idea. The former name honored some guy, while the new name is a tribute to the young screen star, who will be making her first appearance in a movie, just as soon as funding for the project is secured.
Errant Tractor Enters Library Unexpectedly
Corco Library's Annual Reading Roundtable was having there monthly get-together Thursday, when suddenly a small but powerful tractor, owned by long-time area rancher Roger "Sam" Reneaux crashed right through the front window display featuring picture books about farm vehicles, in an irony which only God himself could explain.
See Section 3-C for team coverage including first-hand accounts by Police Sergeant Pill Wilburn, currently appearing at the Armory in the Corco Players production of Brigadoon. Seats from $5.00, or $3.50 for the Sunday Matinee. ($10.00 for seniors over 35)
Rest Eyes Here
|Missing Man Seen At Fete?
Area pioneer Bean Corceaux, unaccounted for since 1887, has been spotted in the crowd at this year's Ambleton Cat Festival. "I saw him admiring a semi-long-haired Turkish Angora!", said event organizer Partha Stark, throwing her hands into the air and waving them back and forth like a tree in a blizzard, a hurricane, or similar tempest of some sort. Others disputed her claim, saying it was a short haired Selkirk Rex.
My Best Post regrets a headline appearing in a recent issue which should have read: "None" Hurt After Pier Collapse (not "Nine"). We further wish to emphasize that owner Ronny Ronson, 37 was making repairs to his "dock".
Scientists Say Skillet Mountain May Erupt Today
Skillet Volcano, a landmark just outside of town, is showing signs of life, offering the prospect of a fun spectacle for the whole family. "We estimate three billion cubic yards of magma, rock and super-heated gasses could be blasted away as early as this afternoon", said Park Ranger Robert Eschenzaunz (pronounced "Rah-burt"), who reminded everyone to bring aloe and chapstick.
God Explains Tractor Mishap
Here is the text of His letter to My Best Post:
"Had the tractor crashed through a window display of picture books about farm vehicle safety, THAT would have been an irony. So often, the term "irony" is used, when it's actually just a curious coincidence of events involving vaguely similar elements, and I don't mind telling you I find it really annoying. Also, Richard "Pete" Richmond wanted me to thank whomever found his wallet."
Letter was spell-checked to correct misteaks.
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Copyright 2011 Ken Kramer