My Best Post 
Volume EZ,  Number 08
March 16rd, 2011
Slaying Being Investigated Amid Many Questions
A Corco residence at an undisclosed location is under 24-hour observation from dawn to sunset, while its unidentified owner, Lars Lawton,  33, of 203955 Mesa Canyon Mountain Circle is dead inside or possibly robbed somebody and then took off to live with his alleged sister in Colorado. "I often saw him in his well-equipped workshop", lamented Pi Feen, a foreigner who lives next door.
"I always used to say 'how are you?'...and he would smile or sometimes offer me a piece of what he was eating".

Baseball Field Named For Long-Time Employee
For more than 50 years, Pat Patterson was a familiar face, pushing his broom, or sometimes a mop here and there as custodian on the campus of Kelp Hill High School. When the beloved figure with  an ever-present smile passed away from a rare form of talcum poisoning in October, students voted to name the school's baseball diamond in Patterson's honor. Dozens attended a ceremony Tuesday in which the venue was officially dedicated as "Custodian Field".

Local Students Dropped To Last Place In State Bee
A tardy crew of would-be spelling champions from Corco could only lick each other's wounds, after being disqualified from the last round of competition in Mezzanine, when they returned too late from a frankfurter lunch. "It's a cylindrical sausage, typically of beef and pork, contained within a membranous casing and served on a slightly larger bun or split roll", observed Police Sergeant Pill Wilburn, who accompanied the students to the three-day event, along with bus driver Lars Lawton.

Inside Today's My Best Post:

Automatic Sprinkler Near Rain Sensor Triggers Flash-Flood Warning.
(Section B - Page 4)

Free Sample! Torpor's Revolutionary "Quick Acid" Talcum Remover - In New Easy-Open Packet.           (Section C - Kid's Korner)

Important Warning For All Consumers Regarding T

War Very Nearly Imminent
Despite repeated official denials, My Best Post has learned that hostilities could break out at any time between The United States of America and Germany, or possibly France, Guatemala, or Guano. "I saw a jet flying that direction", said Punk Parker, 44, an elderly resident of Ambleton, who asked not to be identified.
A recent edition of My Best Post, carried the  obituary of Ms. Arleen Arlen, incorrectly stating that she died while making a toilet. (should have been "while making her toilet.")  Further, we wish to clarify that in 1966, she married a miner. (not a minor) Also, the final sentence should have been " was said nothing stopped her." (not "sad") 

In our story about identity theft victim Toni Czantzre (pronounced TOE-nee), of 88386 Basin View Canyon Terrace Drive, born to Perri and Wendi Czantzre on June 18, 1977 at Corco Community Hospital, it was mentioned that Toni was having an affair with a Hyundai salesman from Bilge, and was now being treated for pernicious gum disease. We have since learned that it's somebody else.

Music Review
By Lank Hawthorne
Despite our excitement that this week's appearance by the Duet Duo offered promise of something vocally fresh to enliven the artistically moribund Saturday Concerts On Tuesday series, the sparsely-attended performance at Henshaw Hall began with a misguided attempt to provide textural variation through contrapuntally invertible melodies. While the two voices did indeed exchange register, some awkward parallel P5ths almost immediately emerged, and a small breed dog, seated Orchestra Center, perhaps a Sealyham  Terrier or possibly a Bedlington or Dandie Dinmount, was simply unprepared for the dissonance. Amid its reaction, the audience fled.

-Lankershim Hawthorne is qualified to write about the arts and artistic things, we can assure you of that.

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Copyright 2011 Ken Kramer