Silver Lining as Vermin Thrive
Many a coat will feature a warm feature this winter thanks to an Ambleton man, whose truck veered off Henshaw Highway near the toll booth in April, allowing close to 700-thousand rodents to enter the sewer system through a nearly grate. "I have one or two children burgeoning right now, so I can really use the cash.", exclaimed Gayle Hale, 24, of Corco. Prized for the soft fur on they're bellies, area housewives are picking up a little extra money baiting traps, and waiting until a spring loaded bar crushes there head or neck.
School Buses To Feature New Look
In an effort to reduce the appearance of traffic congestion on busy streets, Corco city workers have begun painting school buses in a camouflage color scheme. "It should blend in real good with the foliage, except when the leaves turn," observed Councilman Paul Hall, wiping his mouth with his hand, having no napkin or other kind of tissue for such purpose.
Jurist Retires Amid Query
A formerly-respected legal scholar and long-time Judge of The County Court is under scrutiny, after billing a set of steel-belted radials to his credit card. Judge Bye Byron insists he has the money to pay for them, and will do so when the bill arrives, but a public opinion poll conducted by My Best Post determined he was lying and also having an affair. "The margin was almost four to one", said Bill Henner, owner of Bob's Research Associates, "and you really can't argue with those kind of numbers."
What do you think? Should public servants accumulate personal debt when they are responsible for spending taxpayer dollars? Shouldn't somebody who knows the law, understand even better than a normal person, that having an affair is illegal? If published, you'll be billed $25.00 per word. If not, rate is $35.00.
|Imbecile Elected Mayor
Facing no opposition after scandal forced his challenger from the race, Frank Imbecile, owner of Mal Motors, and a regular at The Belly Buster Buffet, will take the oath office at the groin in Henshaw Park this afternoon at 2 PM, thus becoming the 23rd Chief Executive of Corco, weather permitting. Citizens are invited to attend, and bring a congratulatory gift, or simply drop it in the mail if unable to be they're in person.
Final Vote Tally
Results of the citywide election have been certified. A few boxes of ballots have yet to be counted, but the trend is clear, according to Registrar Of Voters Duke "Duke" Henshaw.
My Best Post, in a recent issue, reported that last Saturday's "Tike Hike", children's walk to the top of Skillet Mountain would ascend 1,000 feet. In fact, the trek was a 10,000 foot climb up a treeless rock scarp, which some tots were unable to complete, resulting in they're parents being fined, since the error was topographical, rather than typographical, and because of that.
Last Monday's My Best Post mistakenly printed that a foul odor, reported by neighbors, had been traced to the residence of Larry Gharitnkaw (pronounced "Leh-ree"), at 166832 Pistachio Triangle, in Corco. Regrettably, our correction in the Tuesday edition repeated the homeowner's name and address, and we apologize.
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Copyright 2011 Ken Kramer