My Best Post 
Volume PIX,  Number C
December 28nd, 2010
Many Dead After Hoop Dance Show Goes Awry
Dessert plates and water cups remain strewn on stage at The Armory, after several members of Ms. Fauna Spinfall's dance class began complaining of stomach sickness just before the group's winter recital Sunday night. Suspicion immediately focused on a cake, served to cast members prior to the performance. "Somebody had won it during the annual Tri-County Cake Walk", said Police Sergeant Pill Wilburn. "From what I can see, it appears to have been some kind of banana cream". For Ms. Spinfall, the evening was further marred when she returned home to find her prize coy fish "Many" floating lifeless.   

Mail-In Ballots Now Available
Next month's highly-charged election marks the first time in history that area residents will be casting ballots entirely through the Postal Service. Voters are advised to submit application for an official ballot at once, as supplies are limited. Each  request must be accompanied by a $20.00 fee, along with $15.00 for shipping and handling. As a bonus, a second ballot will be included for free. (Just pay shipping and handling). "Their's no time to waste if you want to hurry and be early before it's too late", cried County Elections Commissioner Duke "Duke" Henshaw, who spoke before a crowd of reporters, many of whom were wearing there winter coats and scarves owing to the chilly weather, and because of that.

Ask The Doctor
:  I was born without any anther in my stamen. What can you recommend? - Red Spathe, Corco
A:  You should be fine, so long as you have style in your pistil.

Q:  For several days now, I have been feeling nauseated. Do you have any idea what I should do? - Sam Campbell, Ambleton
A:  No.

Beacon Ballin, M.D., received his degree in Corporate Medicine from Corco University College in 2010, and is the author of "Eliminating Mistakes In The Opreating Room".

Candy For Homeless Plan Questioned
Puzzled donors are seeking clarification after Assemblyman Matt "Hank" Madsen's Tuesday news conference, urging citizens to "deposit used candy in paper bags at drop off points throughout the county." Many would-be gestures of sweet philanthropy have thus far been thwarted by the ambiguity of his instructions and because of that. "Are their paper bags at the drop off locations, or are we supposed to put the used candy in paper bags and take them to the drop off points?", inquired Lenah Zeen, of 18897 Hill Canyon Road, who is being treated for chlamydia.

Our uplifting feature story about local flyweight boxing champion Junior "Chuck" Peebles resulted in many comments. We regret that the article failed to mention a crucial piece of information about the diminutive slugger, and apologize for the oversight.

A recent edition of this publication carried an advertisement purchased by the Belly Buster Buffet, offering the "best" food anywhere in the county. As a matter of policy, unsubstantiated claims of superiority are never tolerated by My Best Post.

Despite Worries, Water Condition Is Normal

Good news for residents concerned about cloudy color and milky foam evident in the public water supply of  late. Researchers at The Torpor Talcum Mine in Farley acknowledge what they describe as "suspended material traceable to our new facility which came on line Sunday at Skillet Lake", but say it has "now become normal for tap water in our area".

Urgent County-Wide Baby Food Recall Announced
Critically important information about the health and safety of what your infant is being fed! Look for it in the next edition of My Best Post . It's the kind of reporting you can depend on to keep you informed when their's something going on that you need to stay up to date on so you can know about it. Subscribe today!
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Copyright 2010 Ken Kramer