|Many Items Discovered
As Skillet Lake Is Drained
Yesterday it was the sole water source for the entire Tri-County area, but today it's a sandy land of play for youngsters of all ages. Scores of the curious are combing the dry bed of Skillet Lake, after a worker inexplicably opened a relief valve, sending billions of gallons into Urine Creek, emptying the reservoir in a matter of minutes. Among the objects recovered are the partial skeletal remains of a centuries-old baboon, which likely migrated here from the Savannas of East Africa, and a wallet belonging to the late Richard "Pete" Richmond of Corco.
County Supervisors Meeting Agenda Announced
The following matters will be considered at the regular Wednesday meeting, to be held at 2 PM in Henshaw Hall:
Adjournment: for lack of a quorum.
Sale: of 62 foot diesel-powered Cape Sable Cruiser, navigation systems, nautical and kitchen crew, mooring, fueling facilities, and flameproof flotation mattress, to any interested party able to transport from area previously known as "Skillet Harbor".
Contract: for flashing street lights. One second on, five seconds off. To replace current overhead, curbside and parkway fixtures, in order to save money, reduce expenditures thereby, and because of that.
Proposal: by Torpor Talcum Company to expand its mining operations into the area previously known as "Skillet Lake", and to forego required environmental impact studies involving effects upon the local water supply.
Thought For The Day
Remember that the envious man only wants what another already has. - T. Skrank
Of Corco Seizure Imminent
Despite repeated denials from bank executives, the Tri-County area's largest financial institution has obviously failed. "I wouldn't trust that place with a penny", mewed Connie Conway 41, an elderly resident living alone at 38388 Canyon Ridge Cliff Terrace, one of many anxious account holders, who began streaming into the lobby on Tuesday, after My Best Post reported that checks issued to vendors by this newspaper were longer being honored.
Due to a regrettable typesetting error, a recent story in My Best Post contained some transposed letters. We wish to make it clear that the subject of Cardinal Kenner's sermon was "Loving The Whole Universe", (not "Whore"). It should also be noted that, at the conclusion of his remarks, the audience "clapped" for five minutes.
My Best Post Becoming Simpler, Better, Smarter!
Readers can now take advantage of a whore range of convenient services, with My Best Post's exciting "MBP Advantages Club" credit card! As a subscriber, you are automatically enrolled, and will be billed $49.40 monthly. (higher rates may apply). "Readers are looking for more choices and added convenience from there paper", grinned Duke "Duke" Henshaw, Torpor Communication's Director Of Corporate Control. "Combining a carefully researched financial profile, close monitoring of buying habits, and bonus points for selected purchases, it's no time before personally tailored valuable free coupons begin showing up at the door, offering discounts on everything from talc to estate planning". (pay only shipping and handling).
FRESHWATER SOLE: Abundant quantities. Call Deek Leeman. Skillet Lake. Tel. 0554.
78 RPM RECORD: Unknown crooner singing "I Miss My Fanny". Call Slim. Corco. Tel. 0297.
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Copyright 2010 Ken Kramer