My Best Post 
Volume IXV,  Number 99
September 7rd, 2010
Music Will Soon Improve Outdoor Environment
Ambleton residents will presently be hearing the sound of today's most popular singers, such as Beyonce, Rihanna, and Shawna, whenever they step outdoors, day or night! District Board Member Stane Summerland says City workers on Thursday, began installing a network of amplifiers and  speakers throughout the area, after a poll found a majority of people enjoy some kind of background music when at work or play.

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For Sale

FERRIS WHEEL (1) - Broken Axle, but otherwise OK. Fun for kids of all ages! Call Tal. Skillet Lake. Tel. 0551.

DOUBLE-PANED WINDOWS - Sound insulating. Available only at Summerland Hardware.

BOOKMOBILE - Barely used. Make Offer. Tel. 0887.

CROWS - $5.00 each. You catch and keep. Many to choose from. In the yard at 34414 Canyon Vista Bluff.

LAZY SUSAN - Free if you haul away. Also, large revolving tray for food: $20.00. Tel. 0570.

Kelp Hill High Must Forfeit Season
Hopes for a promising year on the gridiron have been dashed at Kelp Hill, just prior to the team's much-anticipated opener with Torpor High. A little-known provision in the Tri-County Education Code mandates Kelp Hill athletes take certain courses, such as Soft-Materials Mining, Marine Life, and Estate Planning, at their own expense. "Apparently, many of there players had to withdraw, as they were unable to meet this requirement, and because of that", said Duke "Duke" Henshaw, the concerned citizen who raised the issue.

Due to a computer error, a recent edition of My Best Post mistakenly transposed vowels, and announced that Ambleton Mayor Cart Landers was proud of his "sin". (should have been "son"). We also wish to emphasize that he "shot" a deer.
A recent edition of My Best Post, carried an ad inviting Tri-County students to sign up and learn more about marine life. We regret any misunderstanding, and have been informed that those persons who responded, can now be contacted c/o Regimental Combat Team Six.

Two Dead After Banjoist Appears At Senior Club
Corco Police say it's just another example of how older  people fail to understand their limits. "They come to a place like this, and the next thing somebody ends up dead", Sergeant Pill Wilburn decried. According to investigators, a crowd of older men (and some women) gathered at a street club called "The Liver Spot".  Those questioned at the scene, say there may have been some who came looking for sex, or other forms of perversion. "Sure enough, we got a call saying a couple of people were gone", Wilburn concluded, " was unpopular music, and the elderly, and that's a frightening recipe for trouble." 
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Copyright 2010 Ken Kramer