Shawna Henshaw has wowed the contest committee for a second straight year "She has the self-appreciation we look for in a winner", cried one judge. The 17-year-old entrepreneur, star athlete, and recording artist, had to overcome some obstacles before again claiming the title of  "Miss Corco" during the regal event. "There were a few people here who only wanted to disrespect my brand", she offered, "but they need to understand what's real".

Opinion Column
*My Best Post presents guest points of view, as we are a responsible paper, and because of that.   Be certain to have payment and copy in our business offices by noon on Wednesday, to insure publication on the preceding Friday.

Dear Readers,
The race for Assembly has been characterized as a one-person affair. To judge from the attitude of My Best Post, you'd think I wasn't even on the ballot, and Duke Henshaw should just be anointed! What's worse are the stories, traced directly to this publication, suggesting I am a "godless, mouth-breathing molester" who only wants to raise ta  (edited for space)

*In the interests of fairness, Mr. Henshaw will be offered the opportunity to reply at no cost.


Our Universe
by Dank Day, D.D.S.
This week, if you look, in the early morning, just as the sun is about to peek over the Western Horizon, you"ll see the moonlet "Orlin", which has migrated from its usual position in the constellation Hideous. Ancient astronomers believed Orlin was the offspring of the half-nymph-half-snake Echidna, who mated with Hephaestus, and, beholding the unattractive result, cast Orlin from Mount Olympus. Modern scientists today, of course, know it was all part of a six day project, undertaken by an invisible bearded man.

Many unanswered questions remain after Wednesday's political forum at the Armory,  sponsored by the Corco Women's League, took an an unexpected turn. Front runner Duke "Duke" Henshaw had just concluded his lengthy opening remarks, when an unidentified member of the audience tossed a stink grenade.  "Everybody had to get out of their, owing to the malodorous nature of the object, and because of that", Henshaw lamented. His opponent decried the episode as the latest in a series of events which have unfairly prevented him from gaining any name recognition as election day approaches. A third candidate, Dan Campbell of Ambleton was forced to withdraw earlier this month, after openly admitting he enjoyed seeing his wife play the virginal.
    

Due to a regrettable printing mix up, a recent edition of My Best Post carried advertisements announcing that The Bedroom Barn was offering "a free rack and pinon inspection.", and that Corco Tire Company was having a "blowout sale". Many readers picked up on the error, and noted that the correct spelling should have been "pinion".

Budget Woes Force Cutbacks
Tri-County Supervisors have approved the following  cost-cutting measures designed to trim expenditures in the current lean economic environment:

• Ambleton Lending Library's Bookmobile will go on-line.
  
• Kelp Hill's "Sunday Classical Concert" series will be limited to short, peppy works with all the boring parts removed.
  
• Drinking and bathing water shall be strictly rationed, to insure adequate resources for the proper irrigation of ornamental lawns.
• County-wide mail-in ballots can no longer be offered, as research shows they were mainly used by old people and the elderly.
  
• Taxes on newspapers, talc, and other necessities will be eliminated, to stimulate the kind of corporate investment that, economists agree, is the key to recovery.