My Best Post
Volume XXX,  Number 69
August 21th, 2010
Particulates Pose Health Risk. Cause Sought
Tri-County Investigators are trying to determine the source of a fine powder, which is coating thousands of acres of crops, livestock, automobiles, and children at play throughout our area.
Suspicion immediately focused on the Torpor Talcum Facility in Farley, which has a long history of leaving dunes uncovered and unattended on windy days. But officials quickly dismissed that possibility. "We checked, and we're not responsible", Torpor's Vice President for Corporate Control, Duke "Duke" Henshaw uttered. 

"New Look" My Best Post Coming Soon!
You've told us you wanted more articles concerned with Probate and Estate Planning. You got it! Our "Will Do!" section debuts in a few weeks. You've told us you want more space dedicated to advertising that empowers consumers through multiple marketplace choices. You got it! You've told us you want to see fewer stories about older people, that only serve to frighten and depress. Well, we've heard you! More lifestyle and current trend articles! More smartly-designed advertising sections! Upgraded, trendy graphics that "sell" the story! Sure, there will be changes, but we're also bringing back some "legacy" columns with a new look, and a fresh approach. Like the much-beloved "Lanny Palmer's Tri-County Talk" ...same great local tidbits you've enjoyed for years, but with a new name, and a new author! Get ready for "Duke's Doings". We think you'll like the "New Look MBP". Watch for it!

Connections Corner

*Find romance through My Best Post. Simply tell us about yourself, who you are looking for, and why you've been a failure in love. Enclose $59.95 in US funds.

Corco Gal:    Looking for something besides sex. Please excuse the jerky handwriting.  Tel. 0864.

Adrift In Ambleton:  Ocean-loving bachelorette seeks twin-screwed cruiser. Ambleton. Tel. 0733.

Kelp Hill Widow:  Searching for full-time mattress pal. Must be non-smoker. Call Mrs. Links. Tel. 0414.

Traveling Companion:  If you can get away for long periods, and have a varied wardrobe, let's make time for each other! Must be OK with cramped spaces. Call Jason. Ambleton. Tel. 0771.

UFO Lands, Abducts Local Man
Ambleton bawcock Jason Jaysonson, of 1774 Diamond Ring Canyon Road, claimed in a police report Tuesday, that he had been kidnapped by visitors from outer space. Now, after his exclusive interview with My Best Post, the incident can be verified. "He confirmed everything he told investigators", spokesperson Duke "Duke" Henshaw said. "We can go with this story, as we now have two sources, and because of that." The episode is included in Jaysonson's just finished book on time-travel "Dimensions Of Grandeur" (Torpor Press ISBN: 1-9394-2129-7 $24.95)

A recent edition of My Best Post reported that anthropologists, excavating at the historic chapel site in Ambleton, had uncovered partial skeletal remains of a centuries-old baboon, which likely migrated here from the Savannas of East Africa . We have since learned that they are, in fact, the recently discarded clavicle and corucoid of a roasted chicken. Any graduate of Corco High School, who cited the article in their Senior project, must now re-register and re-do the mandatory assignment  connected with the chapel field trip. Academic transcripts will reflect the incomplete. "But there are no more than 7 or 8 of them", Principal Bay Baylor laughed.

Question Of The Day
Is there any direct bus service between The State Capital and Corco?
  • Yes, but only one coach one way per week. The seats don't go all the way back, and the entire unit smells like some kind of bottom fish.  (62% of readers)
  • No, and there hasn't been since 1997, when Buddy "Lawrence" Budhue drove it away and, without authorization, sold it to a man in Mezzanine, where it remains on private property, and has been converted into a clubhouse. (53% of readers)
  • Yes. Eight round trips daily. Sleeping accommodations and full meal service are offered, along with videos to keep the kids amused during the forty-eight minute ride. (19% of readers)
*Next issue: What are the symptoms of Diphtheria? Get your answers in, so readers can decide! You'll automatically be billed $4.95.
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