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Volume XXX,
Number 69 |
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August
21th,
2010 |
Particulates Pose Health Risk. Cause Sought Tri-County
Investigators are trying to determine the source of a fine powder,
which is coating thousands of acres of crops, livestock, automobiles,
and children at play throughout our area.
Suspicion immediately focused on the Torpor Talcum Facility in Farley, which has a long history of leaving dunes uncovered and unattended on windy days. But officials quickly dismissed that possibility. "We checked, and we're not responsible", Torpor's Vice President for Corporate Control, Duke "Duke" Henshaw uttered. "New Look" My Best Post Coming Soon! You've told us you
wanted more articles concerned with Probate and Estate Planning. You
got it! Our "Will Do!" section debuts in a few weeks. You've told us
you want more space dedicated to advertising that empowers consumers
through multiple marketplace choices. You got it! You've told us you
want to see fewer stories about older people, that only serve to
frighten and depress. Well, we've heard you! More lifestyle and current
trend articles! More smartly-designed advertising sections! Upgraded,
trendy graphics that "sell" the story! Sure, there will be changes, but
we're also bringing back some "legacy" columns with a new look, and a
fresh approach. Like the much-beloved "Lanny Palmer's Tri-County Talk"
...same great local tidbits you've enjoyed for years, but with a new
name, and a new author! Get ready for "Duke's Doings". We think you'll
like the "New Look MBP". Watch for it!
Connections Corner *Find romance through My Best Post. Simply tell us about yourself, who you are looking for, and why you've been a failure in love. Enclose $59.95 in US funds. Corco Gal: Looking for something besides sex. Please excuse the jerky handwriting. Tel. 0864. Adrift In Ambleton: Ocean-loving bachelorette seeks twin-screwed cruiser. Ambleton. Tel. 0733. Kelp Hill Widow: Searching for full-time mattress pal. Must be non-smoker. Call Mrs. Links. Tel. 0414. Traveling Companion: If you can get away for long periods, and have a varied wardrobe, let's make time for each other! Must be OK with cramped spaces. Call Jason. Ambleton. Tel. 0771. |
UFO
Lands,
Abducts
Local
Man Ambleton
bawcock
Jason
Jaysonson,
of
1774
Diamond Ring Canyon Road, claimed in a
police report Tuesday, that he had been kidnapped by visitors from
outer space. Now, after his exclusive interview with My Best Post, the incident can be
verified. "He confirmed everything he told investigators", spokesperson
Duke "Duke" Henshaw said. "We can go with this story, as we now have
two sources, and because of that." The episode is included in
Jaysonson's just finished book on time-travel "Dimensions Of Grandeur"
(Torpor Press ISBN: 1-9394-2129-7 $24.95)
CorrectionA
recent
edition
of
My Best Post reported
that
anthropologists, excavating at the historic chapel
site in Ambleton, had uncovered partial skeletal remains of a
centuries-old baboon, which likely migrated here from the Savannas of
East Africa . We have since learned that
they are, in fact, the recently discarded clavicle and corucoid of a
roasted chicken. Any graduate of Corco High School, who cited the
article in their Senior project, must now re-register and re-do the
mandatory assignment connected with the chapel field trip.
Academic transcripts will reflect the incomplete. "But there are no
more than 7 or 8 of them", Principal Bay Baylor laughed.
Question Of The Day Is there any direct bus service between The State Capital and Corco?
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