|Theme Park Back On Track After Bones Found
Hammers are humming, and saws are singing once again at the Farley Fun Land construction site, after discovery of human skeletons briefly put the effort on pause. "We were running into more and more of them, as we kept excavating for the water attraction.", wood chipper operator Rob "Seth" Robson offered, his lean body framed by the steel girders beyond.
New Law: Over 65 Years? No Longer Will Marry
A ballot initiative, approved by the electorate in June, takes effect today, limiting the privilege of marriage to those under the age of 65. "It's been controversial, but in the end, our democracy resolves these things", said supporter Gil Gilham, 27, a special effects producer at Ambleton Community Church. "Most real people like me agree!", he concluded, an alluring smile serving to punctuate his strong features. In a sampling of voters polled by My Best Post, a majority say the law doesn't go far enough; that old people are sucking away the future of today's youth, and should be happy to accept employment opportunities in the amusement industry.
August will be full of surprises! A darkening sky around the Third heralds the arrival of millions of hoppers. Voracious feeders, scarcely a nub of vegetation survives. Then, around the Twelfth, a puzzling and pernicious disease descends upon the tortured populace. Victims present with weeping sores and moon face. By the Fifteenth, traumatized survivors, in a frenzy of hatred and blame, turn on one another. On or about the Eighteenth, every shred of civility is drained. Human and beast are only differentiated by their scat. At Month's End, the barren hellscape offers noxious requiem for a civilization now dissolved.
*Simone is available for a personal consultation! Ask about our six-week special package, and receive a free fly-swatter for the kids!
Notice something yummy from the tap? You can thank The Skillet Lake Water District, which has begun adding artificial sugar to the county's reservoirs. "Who doesn't like sweets?", District Board Member Stane Summerland asks. "Research has repeatedly shown that it's the choice of a majority of people", he annexed. Those who prefer the bland can, for now, still purchase bottled water for drinking or bathing purposes at a few stores in the area.
Crew Asleep, Dog Lands Turbojet
A five-year-old retriever named "Rad" is being credited with safely guiding a multi-engine aircraft through squalls and treacherous wind shear to a safe landing, while the flight crew dozed, unaware of his canine heroics. All for the exciting new motion picture "Rad", which will open at area theaters beginning Tuesday.
Design Confab Takes Ugly Turn, Melee Erupts
Police are still sorting through the smoking remains of this weekend's Architecture Conference at The Metronome. Few details have emerged to explain exactly why buttresses began flying shortly after the opening lecture, which compared and contrasted English Gothic style, as typified by Westminster Abbey, with that of French Gothic, as evidenced by Rheims Cathedral.
Thanks to alert readers for noting the historic Corco Central Library has been a "Quicki- Lube" since 1997. A recent edition of My Best Post mistakenly reported that library patrons had been evacuated last week, after an alligator entered the foyer, dragging a yoga bag and the hindquarters of a pig.
All residents are reminded by Public Works, to keep automobiles off streets and away from parking spaces every third Tuesday of the month, so that trees and parkways can be sprayed with Febreze. Everything smells great...when we cooperate!
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Copyright 2010 Ken Kramer