|Unattractive Person Frightens Neighborhood
Residents report an esthetically unappealing man, wearing unstylish clothing, has been spotted for the second time in as many weeks, walking openly in an alarmed area community. Bob "Archie" Barron, who operates a jump house in Corco, called 911 Tuesday, to report the disturbing spectacle. "D'imaginer si les enfants avaient ete autour de!", he blurted. A voter initiative, passed in June, requires that such individuals remain behind a tinted glass partition, or within an enclosed automobile.
Popular Name Will Be Permanently Retired
Taking a page from the professional baseball practice of retiring a player's number, Tri-County Supervisors, meeting at 8:47 AM Thursday, will retire the name "Tom". The assembly will then adjourn in memory of Thomas "Tom" Levitra, of Corco, who was frappe par la foudre, and that was the end of him.
Mr. Rank Tankhardt of Ambleton, announces his intention to no longer refer to his musical group as "The Rhythm Method", and to financially disassociate himself from an incident at The Civitan Hall, on Saturday last, wherein the performance of certain tunes with a modern beat, are alleged to have encouraged an evening of debauchery and vandalism of the sewer system.
All those having claim to the assets of Mr. Wally Links, a deceased man, formerly residing in Kelp Hill, are given notice hereby of an auction of his estate, to be held at the home on Tuesday at 9:47 AM. Among the items to be liquidated, will be a handwritten confession, directly connecting him to many local crimes, and a partially incinerated mattress.
Torpor Communications, parent company of My Best Post announces an increase in subscription rates retroactive to 2003, a necessary step, if we are to remain competitive.
A ballot initiative designed to establish "the tongue of our founders", as the official language of Corco, has become law, and goes into effect at 11:47 PM tonight. Voters overwhelmingly approved the measure this past spring, before researchers determined that community pioneers Bean and Gretche Corceaux were French. Among other laws taking effect, are those which prohibit cheek-to-cheek dancing, at any time or any cheek, and ban the sale of imported talc.
Power Grid Suffers Slow Down, Many Affected
An undetermined problem at The Corco Nuclear Facility, has resulted in lower than normal voltage at home electrical outlets throughout the area. According to calls received by My Best Post, clocks, appliances, and all things electrical have been running slow for days. The Tri-County Power Authority has yet to officially comment on reports that several employees were seen running from a building which houses the main dynamo.
Recently, My Best Post reported that "Lando", a shepherd-terrier mix belonging to the Blanton Family of 2886 Canyon Bluff Ridge in Ambleton, had alerted the household to an electrical fire, and guided them through choking smoke to safety. We have since learned that he slept though the entire incident, and survived the winter by feeding on their remains.
The Corco Hurl will acquire flame-throwing right-hander Pierre LaFoit from Baton Rouge, in exchange for outfielder Kanny Handler and an undetermined amount of cash. The agreement was reached after a series of franc discussions.
Start time for tonight's game at The Metronome has been changed from 7:00 to 6:47. A good crowd is expected for Beret Night.
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