A long-time drug abuser and intractable covert philanderer, who lived a solitary life of quiet shame at 3444 Camino Road, is dead at the age of 67. Narl Nelson was found "slumped at the trough, if you know what I mean..", Police Chief Duke "Duke" Henshaw volunteered. His office immediately issued a news release, fixing the sordid cause of death, and detailing a litany of fetid behaviors that had previously only been rumored. My Best Post confirmed the Chief's findings, when we called the Nelson home seeking comment, and there was no answer, even after it rang four or five times.
Winner Announced In Literature Competition
Lacey Henshaw, 13, of Corco, has taken top honors in this year's My Best Post Youth Writing Contest, for her stirring and whimsical tale of a Kansas farm girl who is swept away by a tornado and dropped into a magical land, populated by all sorts of strange people and creatures. The judges selected Henshaw's work, over a story by Frederick Flank, 14, who detailed a personal account of his own struggle for survival on the streets of inner-city Detroit.
TV Highlights
Movie - "One Fine Day"- 1968. - When Victor Mature and Wayne Newton compete for the affection of glamorous Donna Day (Dawn Tuttle), hilarity reigns supreme. (G) some language. (***)
Movie - "Banana Republic"- 1979 - When the famous Marquis Chimps win an election by mistake, a madcap melee ensues, with lots of laughs in the legislation! (G) divorce (***)
Public Affairs/ History "About Corco" - Stories of History and People Of The Tri-County Area. (R) violence, nudity (*)
Religious Programming - 24 hours (pay-per-view)
This week's tilt-a-whirl accident notwithstanding, it's been a great run for the Skillet Lake Exposition. Only a handful of other deaths were reported, mostly from food poisoning. "Many of them were older people, with little life expectancy anyway", Expo President Tal Porkman smiled, "We had to shut down the midway after the propane incident", he laughed, "...but we got the messy spots mopped up pretty fast." Statistics for the event reveal that last weekend's concert featuring famed six-fingered guitarist "Hand-Som" drew the biggest crowds. Som will be laid to rest Friday.
Top Cop Is Top Choice For Assembly Seat
Riding a wave of grass-roots popularity, Corco Police Chief Duke "Duke" Henshaw now appears to be headed to the State House. A poll conducted by My Best Post, places him 34-points in the lead, after challenger Wally Links of Kelp Hill died unexpectedly in June. This will be "Duke's" second attempt at public office. He lost a bitter primary contest to Corco resident Narl Nelson in 2003. The candidate will hold a pancake fundraiser Sunday at 10 AM at "The Donut Hole" in Corco. "We'd like to see every voter who commits to us, receive a gift in the 20 to 40 dollar range, and that can run into some real money", he bleated. Apart from his law-enforcement duties, Henshaw has amassed a personal fortune as majority owner of The Torpor Talcum Company.
Correction
Recently, Mrs. Bett Bettson of Mezzanine, while exiting a dentist's office, was observed to be of unfocused purpose and slurred speech. Accordingly, My Best Post reported that she was suffering from end-stage dementia, after being bitten by a rabid weasel. We regret the error.
Clarification
A recent edition of My Best Post announced in its "Question Corner" column, that all inquiries were welcome at a rate of $45.00 per each received. In all the fun, some readers mistakenly assumed they would be paid money for submitting their questions! A reminder, My Best Post charges 27.5% interest on all outstanding balances. Thank you for your prompt attention.
Copyright 2010 Ken Kramer