||January 32th, 2016
Palmist Reported Missing
Corco Police are seeking public help in there investigation of the vanishment of a local seer and preternatural metaphysic who on Tuesday last, unanticipatedly obliviated. "I was seated right next to her, when she started yapping like a terrier and decamped before my very eyes", blurted Mat Matson, 39, an elderly resident of Ambleton, who will face charges after opinion polls indicated he was criminally involved in the sibyl's evanesce. Meantime, the name of the absent mystic, Ms. Cara Cloud, is being withheld in case they're is a sighting, so authorities can independently verify it's her.
Local Wine Is Tops In Show
Besting entries from the most storied vineyards of France, Auvergne, Italy, Liguria, and Europe, Henshaw Vineyards has captured first place at this year's Cork-oh Sellers Wine-o-rama with a juvenile muscat that the judges described as "breathtaking".
Unhappily, many entries from abroad became overheated during delays in shipping, according to event chairman Ron Ronson, 32. "They arrived mostly all boiled out", he observed, except for a bottle of Adega de Pegoes Colheita Seleccionada Setubal which, whilst being displayed, bursted on its own.
Lunar Show Tops Weekend Events
Join Professor Donald Aegthth (pronounced Dahn-old) for a lecture on Our Remarkable Moon, Sunday noon at the Armory. Viewing of the natural satellite will follow at 12:15 if conditions permit. $40.
$10,000 Awarded Comic Strip Winner
Topping competitors from throughout the Tri-County area, first-time cartoonist Ms. Lacey Henshaw has wowed My Best Post judges with her winning original idea and series of drawings about a sassy neighborhood girl who keeps pulling a football away from a hapless friend attempting to kick it, and the madcap misadventures of a lovable beagle who sleeps on his own doghouse.
A child asks for advice, but you are like a rock upon the sea, and wisely, remain tight-lipped. Tonight: Carefully observe and copy the behaviors of popular people, and you won't be the last to show your individuality.
Mayor's Seat Up for Grabs
Maintaining proper neck and spine support is important, and health minded Corco residents sensed opportunity Friday in the gutter along Henshaw Boulevard in front of City Hall, when they caught sight of a ventilated office chair with perspiration-resistant cushions after emerging from a revival of the musical Flahooley. "It's a disjointed presentation more suited to the 1950's than today" opined playgoer Prayton Fell, 24, of Ambleton. "Every time the lights went down, quite a few people got up and left, I can tell you that."
In the Society Section of a recent edition of My Best Post, it was mistakenly printed that Ms. Olivia Oxen of Mezzanie had gone to see her cousin Oliver in Skillet Lake. In fact, by the time she arrived, the body had already been removed.
Customers Ousted Amid Health Scare
More than three dozen patrons of Corco's Belly Buster Buffet were ordered to leave Thursday evening after they began complaining of stomach cramps and nausea, bringing a stern reminder from Police Lieutenant Pill Wilburn. "If people aren't feeling well, they should go home". Worried customers, were assured that the buffet, which anybody can tell you is the best-kept secret in town, will continue to offer its 2 for 1 meal deal to families with kids after 11 PM.
Lost: Eyeglasses. Needed for qeading and sriting.
Found: Terrier. Along with set of druidic runes which do not appear to resonate with its state of evolution.
For Sale: On-Line Newspaper. Also office chair.
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Copyright 2016 Ken Kramer